Speed Reads

last night on late night

Why does Trump hate Bette Midler? Jimmy Kimmel has an absurdly elaborate theory.

President Trump attended Britain's ceremony to mark the 75th anniversary of D-Day on Wednesday, and he headed to France on Thursday for another D-Day ceremony, with an overnight stop at his golf resort in Ireland. "Trump commemorated this solemn occasion by insulting his enemies back home via Twitter," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "He went after 'Sleepy Joe' Biden, the Democrats, the media that's out to get him — it's always a good thing to spend the morning of D-Day whining about how vicious the attacks against you are."

And before going to bed Tuesday night, he also decided to "pick a fight with Bette Midler for D-Day," Kimmel said. "Now before I show this, keep in mind, this is a real tweet from the actual president of the United States." He read the tweet and laughed: "He had a royal dinner with Prince Charles, he went back to his hotel, and ... he's thinking about Bette Midler retweeting something? He listens to the tributes to the troops who attacked Germans on the beaches at Normandy, and what does he do? He attacks the star of the movie Beaches."

Trump has actually been attacking Midler for years, Kimmel said. "He's criticized her looks, her singing, her appearance on the Oscars. He doesn't like her at all." Why? "I've been doing some research — I think I've figured it out," he said. "It all starts with a popular movie from 1993, Hocus Pocus," which features actual witch hunts.

That's just the starting point for Kimmel's long and convoluted series of coincidences that, if you don't think about it too long, kind of make sense together. (If you think about it for a minute more, there's nothing at all surprising about Trump attacking a female celebrity on Twitter.) At the very least, Kimmel's presentation is entertaining, and you may even gain some understanding about the nature of conspiracy theories. Peter Weber