Speed Reads

last night on late night

Late night hosts mostly cheer the CDC's new mask rules, jeer Tucker Carlson's anti-mask 'hissy fit'

"Today the CDC made a huge announcement about wearing masks," informing vaccinated Americans they generally don't have to wear masks outside, Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday's Tonight Show. The CDC illustrated its guidelines with a chart that "ranks activities from safest to less safe to least safe" for both vaccinated and unvaccinated people, he said. "It's the same chart people use when deciding between Delta, United, and Spirit Airlines."

The CDC's relaxed guidelines are great, Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "Now we can go back to the good old days of giving each other dirty looks because of racism, classism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and those people who wear Adidas pants with Nike shoes," not because we're "wearing or not wearing masks." Taking a big step toward normalcy is thrilling, Noah added. "But what doesn't excite me is the messaging from the CDC." He explained why in "a viral rant," focused mainly on the needlessly confusing chart.

The CDC's new mask guidance "is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. And it "must be very validating for Fox News host Tucker Carlson," who "threw a hissy fit about mask-wearing" Monday night. "Yes, Tucker wants you to keep kids safe, and the best way to do that is to send an army of Fox News conspiracy goons to the playground to have their parents arrested," he said. "Tucker's not the only one being a mask-hole," but if he's "gonna spend the summer yelling at kids," he might want to at least "wear a cup" to protect himself from irate parents and their crotch kicks.

Yes, "America's favorite man-Karen is so concerned about children being forced to wear masks, he's encouraging other likeminded individuals to get the authorities involved," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "The guy said nothing after Sandy Hook, now he wants you to call the cops: 'There's a kid with cotton on his face!'" He suggested "the only explanation we have left" for Tucker's behaviors is that he's "actually a top secret Sacha Baron Cohen character."

Kimmel also found some irony in former President Donald Trump's angry screed about Sunday's Acadamy Awards. "It's funny because the thing is, Donald Trump basically is the Oscars," he said: "Old, bloated, completely self-involved, and obsessed with gold." Peter Weber