President Biden gave U.S. intelligence 90 days to determine the origin of the COVID-19 pandemic, and "it's worth a shot," Jimmy Fallon said on Wednesday's Tonight Show. "If we've learned anything from Marvel movies, everyone loves a good origin story. And I'm excited because they've already cast Timothée Chalamet to play Young COVID," he joked, predicting "a COVID reunion on HBO Max" in 10 years.
"Last night it came out that a grand jury is hearing evidence against former President Trump and could indict him," Fallon said. "We know a trial is close when the courtroom sketch artist goes to Michael's and says, 'Give me all the orange crayons you have.'"
It sure looks like "the walls are closing in on Donald Jessica Trump," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "Can you imagine Donald Trump on trial, putting that little orange hand on a Bible, suddenly the Bible bursts into flames, he escapes in the chaos like a Batman villain." The grand jury will continue meeting for at least six months, "and then who knows, maybe it will happen, maybe he'll go to prison," he said, explaining how jail "really wouldn't be much of a change from the life he's living now."
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We don't really even know who the grand jury might indict, why, or when it could happen, Stephen Colbert cautioned at The Late Show. "Looks like a case for the CBS classic Maybe Something Happened, She Conjectured." But the grand jury is reportedly considering criminal tax and financial fraud charges, and the charges may stick if CFO Allen Weisselberg actually flips on Trump, Colbert said. "Weisselberg is the highest-ranking corporate officer who is not a member of the former president's family. As always, the highest member of the family is Don Jr."
"Trump's been in potential legal hot water for a while now, as evidenced not just by his own criminal probes but by all the criminals or alleged criminals surrounding him," Late Night's Seth Meyers said, running down the list. "It's just basic logic that if you're surrounded at all times by that many criminals, there's a solid chance you're also a criminal."
Ironically, "if Trump hadn't run for president, he probably would've gotten away with all of this stuff: defrauding banks, deflating assets," Meyers said. "Rich people get away with that stuff all the time, and the banks just shrug and raise our ATM fees."
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