After a rash of COVID-19-related in-flight incidents, "United Airlines has instructed its flight crew not to use duct tape when dealing with unruly passengers," Jimmy Fallon said on Wednesday's Tonight Show. "Flight attendants heard and were like, 'Okay, tasers it is.' That's right, United isn't allowed to use duct tape, while passengers on Frontier Airlines will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter."
Yes, "some airlines are telling their flight attendants not to duct-tape passengers if they act crazy or refuse to wear a mask, and I agree," guest host Sean Hayes said on Jimmy Kimmel Live. "You should never duct-tape an abusive passenger to their seat, it's just wrong. You should duct-tape them to the wing. ... Give them a few minutes choking on mosquitos at 500 miles per hour and they'll be begging for a K95."
Hayes both laughed at reports that someone is selling a used Kleenex from soccer star Lionel Messi — "$1 million? For that much money, it better be filled with cocaine" — and tried to get in on the action, live on TV. "I'm not into begging, but please bid on this," he said. "I don't want to go back on Cameo."
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"We are currently battling rampant misinformation about the vaccines," Hayes said, "and tonight I'm going to clear all that up — that's because I am a doctor," or at least an honorary one, thanks to Illinois State University. He changed into a lab coat, and his information was even sometimes correct.
The Biden administration said today that Americans should start getting COVID-19 vaccine booster shots on Sept. 20, "but of course not all Americans are in favor of even one vaccine," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "In San Diego, a bunch of these folks came out to protest vaccine mandates at a board of supervisors meeting, and before we roll this footage, buckle your brain." He highlighted a few of the speakers, including one guy who "changed some hearts and minds... and loins," specifically one woman's. "You can catch her in the new reality dating show The Anti-Vaxlorette," Colbert joked. "But the absolute belle of the crazy-balls was a man named Matt Baker." And you can watch his, and Colbert's, performance below.
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