"We've been off for two weeks, and while we were gone there was continuing plague, war, floods, fires — it's like the end times, or as they're now known, the times," a mustachioed Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. Hurricane Ida blew down Louisiana and drowned the Northeast, and "you know the climate crisis is bad when the once-in-a-century global pandemic is the second-biggest story of the day."
COVID-19 cases are more than double what they were a year ago, and "unfortunately, thanks to fear-mongering and misinformation, a lot of people still aren't getting vaccinated," Colbert said. "But don't worry about the anti-vaxxers being unprotected, because they have found a new drug that also does not protect them. It's called ivermectin, which is a horse dewormer. So you'll probably still get COVID, but on the bright side, you could win the Preakness."
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Late Night's Amber Ruffin had some frank suggestions for what Texas Republicans can do with their abortion law.
"What a weird summer — Britney is free and every woman in the state of Texas isn't," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. COVID-19 cases are so high now, "Dr. Fauci said that if hospitals get any more overcrowded, they're going to have to make some very tough choices about who gets an ICU bed. I dunno, that choice doesn't seem so tough to me. Vaccinated person having a heart attack? Yes, come right on in, we'll take care of you. Unvaccinated guy who gobbled horse goo?" Nope.
The poison control centers "have seen this spike in calls from people taking this livestock medicine to fight the coronavirus, but they won't take the vaccine — which is crazy," Kimmel said. "It's like if you're a vegan and you're just like, 'No, I don't want a hamburger, give me that can of Alpo instead.'"
The Late Show had Mr. Ed convey a similar message.
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August 9 editorial cartoonsCartoons Saturday's political cartoons include snake oil salesmen, Ghislaine Maxwell's new residence, and more
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5 hastily redrawn cartoons about redistrictingCartoons Artists take on Donald Trump's draughtsmanship, the White House ballroom, and more
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Bonnie Blue: taking clickbait to extremesTalking Point Channel 4 claims documentary on the adult performer's attention-grabbing sex stunts is opening up a debate
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Israeli security cabinet OKs Gaza City takeoverSpeed Read Netanyahu approved a proposal for Israeli Defense Forces to take over the largest population center in the Gaza Strip
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How China uses 'dark fleets' to circumvent trade sanctionsThe Explainer The fleets are used to smuggle goods like oil and fish
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Thailand, Cambodia agree to ceasefire in border fightSpeed Read At least 38 people were killed and more than 300,000 displaced in the recent violence
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Israel 'pauses' Gaza military activity as aid outcry growsSpeed Read The World Health Organization said malnutrition has reached 'alarming levels' in Gaza
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US and EU reach trade dealSpeed Read Trump's meeting with European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen resulted in a tariff agreement that will avert a transatlantic trade war
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At least 12 dead in Thai-Cambodian clashesSpeed Read Both countries accused the other of firing first
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US and Japan strike trade dealSpeed Read Trump signed what he's calling the 'largest deal ever made'
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28 nations condemn Israel's 'inhumane killing' in GazaSpeed Read Countries including Australia, France, Japan and the U.K. have released a joint statement condemning Israel's ongoing attacks
