Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts recap, queensplain the COP26 climate summit's modest accomplishments

"It is Election Day in many places across the country, including here in New York," where voters will get to replace Mayor Bill de Blasio "with their favorite option: anyone else," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "It's also Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, but if climate change continues at its current pace, soon it will just be called Day."

"World leaders are talking about maybe doing something about it at the U.N. climate conference in Glasgow," and yesterday, more than 100 of them "pledged to halt deforestation by 2030," Colbert said. "Of course to do that, they'll need a detailed plan — that they'll need to print out on thousands upon thousands of pieces of paper." The world leaders also "got a video pep talk from young climate activist Queen Elizabeth," he added, queensplaining her speech.

The Late Show also just went ahead and put words in the queen's mouth.

"The queen of England addressed the summit, she had a video message asking leaders to act for our children and our children's children — all of which she's probably going to outlive. What is that woman, 1,000 years old now?" Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. Meanwhile, "more than 100 world leaders agreed to end deforestation before the year 2030 — basically they made a deal to save the Amazon from Amazon at this conference."

Biden also announced in Scotland that more than 70 nations had agreed to join the U.S. in slashing methane emissions by 30 percent this decade, "but not Russia or China, right?" Late Night's Seth Meyers asked. "That's like saying, 'Hey, great news, I got the whole neighborhood to agree to stop murdering except for Hacksaw Dave and Larry the Strangler.'"

"Biden reiterated his commitment to cut carbon emissions in half by 2030, and he can do it," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. "I mean, he cut his approval rating in half in three months. Biden ended his big speech by saying 'God bless you all and may God save the planet.' And God was like, 'Uh, this is definitely a you-broke-it-you-bought-it situation.'"

"It wasn't just world leaders at the summit — Leonardo DiCaprio was also there," Fallon said. "Apparently he heard Earth was getting hotter and needed to meet her. Actually, DiCaprio does a lot to fight global warming. It all started with that iceberg."