Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts guess which Republicans are invited to Madison Cawthorn's alleged orgies, which are not

"Republican lawmakers are furious at fellow Republican Madison Cawthorn after he went on a podcast and said that his colleagues in Washington like to have drug-fueled sex parties," Jimmy Fallon said on Wednesday's Tonight Show. "Of course congressional Republicans are denying the whole thing," with varying levels of plausibility.

"There's a lot you can say about the modern Republican Party — it's paranoid, authoritarian, obsessed with conspiracy theories and culture wars — but in addition to that it's full of weird people constantly saying weird s--t," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Come on man, you really expect us to believe that Congress could plan and execute an orgy?"

Still, "if they were having orgies and doing cocaine, I would actually find that impressive," Meyers added. "I mean, they're all 70 and 80 years old. If you told me Chuck Grassley was snorting blow and boning nonstop, I'd be like: Damn, maybe he's more with it than I thought!" But there are limits to even this fantastical debauchery, he suggested. "I'm going to go out on a limb here" and say Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) "wasn't invited to the orgy,"

The Late Show imagined how such a sex party might work, with Grassley involved and Cruz locked out.

Cawthorn claimed "the cocaine-orgy people were people he looked up to, but so far he hasn't named any names," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show, once again nominating Grassley while deciding Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) "clearly wasn't invited to the big-tent party."

"Speaking of right-wing weirdos," former President Donald Trump went on TV and "called on Vladimir Putin to release dirt on Hunter Biden," Colbert said. "As usual, his timing is impeccable. He reminded the world that Putin is his buddy at the exact moment that everyone realizes that his buddy is actual Hitler. This is worse than last year when Jell-O re-signed Bill Cosby to announce their new flavor, 'Out on a Technicality Orange.'"

Yes, Trump is "asking Vladimir Putin to release dirt on the Bidens, in the middle of a war" Putin started, "and he doesn't see anything wrong with this," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "The whole free world is trying to stop Putin, Trump's like, 'Hey, you got anything on the president's crackhead son I could use? I'd really appreciate it.' Meanwhile, his own son's in the basement making videos that look like the last 20 minutes of Goodfellas."