China’s single mothers are teaming up

China’s marriage rate is at record lows and its divorce rate is on the rise – but at least some of the country’s singles are teaming up.

As the cost of living intensifies, single mothers are “searching for a new kind of partner: each other”, said The Guardian. Women are posting online in search of “like-minded parents” to share both a home and childcare responsibilities.

“I’m hoping to find another single mum to share an apartment with, so we can take care of each other,” said a popular post on social media platform Xiaohongshu, known in English as RedNote. “If our children are around the same age, that would be even better – they can be companions. Those raising kids alone know how tough it is; sometimes you’re so busy, you barely have time to eat.”

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Acute strain

There are about 30 million single mothers in China, according to its Ministry of Civil Affairs. When parents divorce, “only one in six fathers chooses to raise their children”, said China Daily. That leaves more than 80% of those families led, solo, by a woman.

“Society’s support for single mothers remains insufficient,” said psychologist Li Jiao. Often they must contend with “internalised self-doubt, due to societal bias”, as well as “deep guilt over their children’s well-being”. A 2018 report found that more than two-thirds of single mothers are “hesitant to disclose their single-parent status”, for fear of being “judged or criticised”.

“The strain is acute,” said Sixth Tone. Long working hours “clash with rigid school schedules” – many mothers are left “sprinting between office desks and classroom gates”. Despite legal obligations, some ex-husbands refuse to pay child support, and state welfare is minimal. Government data shows that a significant proportion of single-mother families in developed cities live below the poverty line.

But, in recent years, social media platforms “have become lifelines, where women trade advice, pool expenses and, in some cases, find one another”. Some “roommate mums” simply split the rent but “others share school pickups and grocery runs, piecing together a version of family that is less solitary, less precarious, and a little more possible”.

‘Similar values’

Single mothers Zhu Danyu and Fei Yuan have lived together with their daughters since 2022. They run a joint business from their home in Nanjing. “We both know very clearly why we’re together – it’s about sharing and managing the risks and pressures of life,” Zhu told The Guardian.

They met through their work but, “over time, we realised that we shared similar values and got along really well,” said Fei. “Our personalities also complement each other. I’m more detail-oriented and love keeping things tidy, but I can’t cook. Danyu, on the other hand, is a great cook and loves making meals for the kids.”

There are of course “snide online remarks and rumours” about relationships like theirs, said the paper. Women in informal flat-sharing arrangements also “lack legal protections”, and some have talked online about “arrangements collapsing after children didn’t get along, or financial imbalances taking their toll”.

“This current reliance on ad hoc, digitally organised support highlights a major failure in the state’s welfare provision for safeguarding children and supporting parents,” said Ye Liu, an international development expert at King’s College London.

But many say their children are the “biggest beneficiaries” of the arrangement, said The Guardian. “Through spending time together, all three have become more outgoing and confident,” said Fei. “That’s the first big change I’ve noticed. The second is that they’re now surrounded by double the love.”