A taxonomy of selfies

That young woman who took the selfie after her plane blew a tire and skidded off the runway? I identify. I'd do it too. I think we all would, assuming we didn't have other things to worry about, like injuries, or fellow human beings requiring aid and attention.

Why do we take so many selfies? Even we semi-sane, literate people, those of us who read books in our spare time? Well, selfies help us mark the moment in history, and help us remember. Selfies are experiential catalogs.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, vain, aggressive, competitive world. And we like the attention.

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It's time to start subdividing the selfie into different categories. They might not exist in nature, but they certainly reveal something about ours.

I've identified eight types of regularly occurring selfies. How many types have you taken? (ABC's "The Selfie" might want to pay attention.)

The Delphie: A picture that predicts an imminent disaster.

The Dumbfie: A selfie you really just shouldn't take.

The Tellfie: A picture is worth a thousand words. This type of selfie tells a story.

The Schrunchie: A face-distorting selfie generally accompanied by gratuitous, exhibitionistic nudity.

The Buffie: The half-naked selfie you take at the gym, after you've worked out.

The Brofie: When you're out with the guys or the gals, and love and booze are in the air, it's time for a brofie.

The Gellfie: The picture you take right after you've got that rocking new hairdo. (It must include product of some kind)

The Wealfie: When you've gotten something new, and/or expensive, and you've got to show it off, because life's a contest, you know. Or just you, and your money.