Good week for:
The wisdom of Solomon, after a Serb farmer who was ordered to split his property with his ex-wife cut all his farm tools in half with a grinder. “I still haven’t decided how to split the cow,” said Branko Zivkov.

Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum,
the son of Dubai’s ruler, who paid a mere $2.7 million for the finest camel in that wealthy land. The camel will be used for racing and/or to compete in camel beauty pageants.

The 43rd president of the U.S., after a San Francisco community group launched an initiative to rename the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.” Organizers said the name would provide the president with an “appropriate and enduring legacy.”

Bad week for:
The late Luciano Pavarotti, after an Italian conductor revealed that the famed tenor lip-synced his final public performance, at the 2006 Winter Olympics. The ailing Pavarotti had to rely on a recording, Leone Magiera said, because performing live would have been “too dangerous.”

Devaluation, after an Indian man lost his life savings when termites infested his bank’s safety-deposit boxes and turned his 682,000 rupees into dust. The bank has advised a “shattered” Dwarika Prasad that it is not responsible for bug damage.

The honeymoon, after a California wedding reception got a little out of hand, and the police had to subdue both the bride and groom with a Taser. The newlyweds were arrested and spent their first night as husband and wife in jail.