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July 23, 2014
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She's Judge Judy with a dash of Dr. Seuss: Clackamas County Circuit Judge Susie Norby decided to start spitting out rhymes before convicting an Oregon man of stealing a $2,000 bulldog puppy at gunpoint.

JaJuane Deshawn Etheridge, 24, was found guilty Monday of robbery, theft, unlawful use of a firearm, and being a felon in possession of a firearm. The entire saga began in 2012 with Etheridge meeting a retired couple in a shopping center parking lot and stealing Harpo, the puppy they had for sale. His girlfriend saw a story about the stolen dog on the news, and called police; Etheridge ended up in a three-hour standoff with a SWAT team before surrendering. While in jail, he was taped berating his girlfriend and telling her not to testify and to stop helping authorities.

Etheridge swore he wasn't guilty, but rather had been set up by friends and his girlfriend — a defense Norby didn't buy. "The inescapable conclusion from the many phone calls and the absurdity of the defendant's testimony on the witness stand is that [Etheridge] will tell any lie, to anyone, at any time, to try to get out of the consequences of his action," she said.

Then, right before announcing her ruling, Norby decided it was time to pull an Emily Dickinson and share a poem she had written for the occasion: "You lied and lied; I can't put that aside. It was your car; you went too far. You hid the pup; the jig was up. You got rid of the gun; your game is done."

Etheridge will be sentenced August 1, perhaps in the form of a sonnet. Catherine Garcia

1:14 p.m. ET
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Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) maintained Friday that he'll support the Republican presidential nominee, even if that somebody happens to be Donald Trump, The Palm Beach Post reports.

In fact, Rubio might be more impressed with the billionaire business mogul than usual, saying his "performance has improved significantly" recently.

It's also worth noting that Rubio doesn't agree with former House Speaker John Boehner that Ted Cruz is Lucifer. Julie Kliegman

12:39 p.m. ET

Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump was none too thrilled Saturday with the protesters who blocked his way into California's Republican convention the day before:

Leave it to Trump to make an off-color joke about the incident once he made it inside the hotel Friday.

'We went under a fence and through a fence," Trump said. "Oh boy, it felt like I was crossing the border, actually." Julie Kliegman

11:51 a.m. ET

Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook is perhaps best used for admiring photos of Mark Zuckerberg's dog. Beast, a Puli Hungarian Sheepdog, is quite good at camouflaging himself, as you can see in photos the social network's founder posted Friday:

This rug has eyes.

That's an awfully big mop. Julie Kliegman

11:29 a.m. ET

Jimmy Fallon has been singing bits and pieces of Styx's "Too Much Time on My Hands" on The Tonight Show for days. On Friday, he and actor Paul Rudd took the obsession to its natural conclusion, creating a shot-by-shot remake of the '80s music video. The end result is sufficiently goofy. Take a look below. Julie Kliegman

11:05 a.m. ET

Hundreds of activists stormed Iraq's parliament building Saturday in support of Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, who had accused Iraqi politicians of corruption, CBS News reports.

The demonstrators climbed over blast walls in Baghdad's Green Zone, which houses most of the country's ministries and foreign embassies, after parliament couldn't reach quorum to hold a session. The protesters broke furniture, chanted, and waved Iraqi flags.

For months, protesters have been demanding Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi take more steps to fight corruption. The capital announced a state of emergency amid the protests Saturday. Julie Kliegman

10:28 a.m. ET
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San Francisco Police Chief Gregory Suhr released nine pages of racist and homophobic text messages sent between officers Friday and ordered all officers to undergo anti-bias training, The New York Times reports.

"We have nothing to hide," Suhr said of his 2,000-member force. "These are the actions of a few."

The messages, which disparaged blacks, Latinos, South Asians, and LGBT people, were found as part of an investigation into a rape charge against one of the officers.

The department is under federal investigation for the 2015 fatal shooting of Mario Woods, a black man. Julie Kliegman

9:33 a.m. ET
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The head of an evangelical legal organization has pledged to carry a gun into Target's bathrooms to defend against transgender women. Liberty Counsel President Anita Staver is calling for a boycott of the retail chain after it announced that it will allow patrons to use the restroom that corresponds to their gender identity, The Huffington Post reports. Staver tweeted the following:

Staver later claimed she always brings guns into public restrooms. The Week Staff

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