Stephen Colbert gets punchline happy over Roy Moore's mall banishment


Roy Moore's girl problems in Alabama got worse when a New Yorker reporter found out that the GOP nominee for a Senate seat in Alabama was so notorious for hitting on teenage girls at the local mall in Gadsden, Alabama, when he was a 30-something assistant district attorney, he was banned from the mall. The punchlines practically write themselves, but The Late Show staff wrote them anyway, and Stephen Colbert delivered them Tuesday night. The audience had a pretty big reaction to his setup joke. "If you like that one, this is going to be a long 4 minutes," he said.
Colbert started the one-liners immediately and kept going. "The only place in the mall the girls were safe was Forever 21, because that is way too old for Roy Moore," he said. Noting that Moore liked to dress up to walk the mall alone, Colbert deadpanned: "Well, that's just Roy Moore's approach to romance: Put on your finest slacks and go a-food-courtin'." One girl said Moore met her at the Santa booth when she was a 14-year-old elf, so Colbert went there: "He hit on one of Santa's elves? Well, a true evangelical, he's putting the 'Christ!' back in Christmas." And he ended with a 1980s-style commercial for Gadsden Mall, with a very special selling point. Watch below. Peter Weber
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
Road trip: New England’s maple syrup season
Feature New England is serving up maple syrup in delicious and unexpected ways
By The Week US Published
-
Music Reviews: Mdou Moctar, Panda Bear, and Tate McRae
Feature “Tears of Injustice,” “Sinister Grift,” and “So Close to What”
By The Week US Published
-
What's at stake in the Mahmoud Khalil deportation fight?
Talking Points Vague accusations and First Amendment concerns
By Joel Mathis, The Week US Published
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wife
speed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Giant schnauzer wins top prize at Westminster show
Speed Read Monty won best in show at the 149th Westminster Kennel Club dog show
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar take top Grammys
Speed Read Beyoncé took home album of the year for 'Cowboy Carter' and Kendrick Lamar's diss track 'Not Like Us' won five awards
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
The Louvre is giving 'Mona Lisa' her own room
Speed Read The world's most-visited art museum is getting a major renovation
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Honda and Nissan in merger talks
Speed Read The companies are currently Japan's second and third-biggest automakers, respectively
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Taylor Swift wraps up record-shattering Eras tour
Speed Read The pop star finally ended her long-running tour in Vancouver, Canada
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Drake claims illegal boosting, defamation
Speed Read The rapper accused Universal Music of boosting Kendrick Lamar's diss track and said UMG allowed him to be falsely accused of pedophilia
By Rafi Schwartz, The Week US Published
-
'Wicked' and 'Gladiator II' ignite holiday box office
Speed Read The combination of the two movies revitalized a struggling box office
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published