Tuesday was the first night of Hanukkah, Stephen Colbert noted on The Late Show, but it was also "a huge day in Alabama, Election Day, and now it is official: Roy Moore either is or is not our newest U.S. senator." (He's not.) Colbert said the show taped long before the polls closed, but "one thing we do know is how Roy Moore got to the polls: He arrived on horseback." Apparently riding to the polls on a horse is a Moore family tradition. "Roy Moore loves traditions from the 1800s, like child brides and the Dred Scott decision," the Supreme Court's infamous pro-slavery ruling, he joked. When his audience murmured, Colbert shrugged. "Hey, maybe he lost, we don't know."
Colbert also took a look at Moore's closing arguments from Monday night — well, specifically the tale a friend and supporter told about their visit to an underage brothel in Vietnam, and the assurances Moore's wife, Kayla, gave to show they aren't anti-Semitic. "Wow," Colbert said, trying to top her "our lawyer is a Jew" and "we fellowship with them" defenses. "We're not homophobic because my hairdresser is a gay," he said. "I mean, Jewish girls know Roy will show up at your bat mitzvah."
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) said she believed the women accusing President Trump of sexual misconduct and called on Trump to resign. "Of course, Trump couldn't let that go," Colbert said, reading his tweet about Gillibrand "begging" him for campaign contributions, which she "would do anything for." The audience gasped.
"That reminds me: Melania, how's that anti-cyberbullying going?" Colbert asked. He ended on a friendlier note, the bipartisan dog-costume holiday party at the Capitol. "Isn't that adorable? It's the one place on Capitol Hill you can engage in heavy petting and not have to resign," he said. He ended on a Moore joke. Watch below. Peter Weber