Perhaps you've already purchased a last-minute bag of Tootsie Rolls from Costco to give away to the little ghosts and goblins who will come trick-or-treating tonight. Well you might as well throw it away now. Nobody likes Tootsie Rolls. Is that how you want to be remembered?
Don't worry, friends. That's why we're here. Presenting our infallible list of the absolute best Halloween candies, ranked by how much of a delight they are to find in your bag:
10. Charms Blow Pops
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Sure, the hard candy candy shell is arguably mediocre. But it teaches children a valuable lesson in perseverance.
9. Candy Corn
Classic, but divisive. Is there any other candy explicitly reserved for Halloween? It's akin to Thanksgiving turkey, or, if you prefer, egg nog on Christmas. Bonus points for being made of actual corn, even if it's the high-fructose syrup variety.
8. Starbursts
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Everyone loves tasting the rainbow — as long as it's not the yellow part of the rainbow.
7. Butterfingers
Pros: Chocolate and peanut butter harmoniously waltz all over your taste buds. Cons: You spend the rest of the night picking at your teeth.
6. Nerds
Tart, sweet, and sour. But the real pleasure is that their small size makes them easy to wolf down without chewing.
5. Pretzel M&Ms
Why pretzel M&Ms and not the peanut kind? Peanut M&Ms are for movie theaters. Plus, the unexpected blue-ness of pretzel M&Ms' packaging brings joy to the hearts of those who find it swimming in a candied sea of mediocrity.
4. Snickers, King-sized
Bite-sized Snickers are delicious and are perhaps portioned better for individual consumption. But homes that hand out the king-sized variety live on forever. Or at least till bedtime.
3. Twix
The cookie texture makes a single Twix bar near-perfect in its own right. Then you remember you have another one.
2. Pixie Sticks
Who doesn't love ripping open a tiny bouquet of Pixie Sticks and letting the colorful but indiscernible fruit flavors flow into his or her mouth? Just don't snort them.
1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
That festive orange packaging? Chocolate and peanut butter? Two per package (usually)? We have our undisputed winner.
Chris Gayomali is the science and technology editor for TheWeek.com. Previously, he was a tech reporter at TIME. His work has also appeared in Men's Journal, Esquire, and The Atlantic, among other places. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
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