Feature

The QT: Our fat, drunk, and stupid nation, the threat of Ted Cruz, and more

A veteran journalist, tongue firmly in cheek, riffs on the latest headlines

News Headline: "U.S. junk food subsidies since 1995 equal to cost of nearly 52 billion Twinkies: Study"News Headline: "Mississippi among the nation's best at beer drinking"News Headline: "Utah lawmaker calls for end of compulsory education" Consider this an intervention. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, nation.

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News Headline: "New theory says the universe isn't expanding — it's just getting fat" That goes for you, too, universe.

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News Headline: "Ted Cruz is a legitimate 2016 threat" QT has done some research. No large asteroids are expected to come close to Earth in 2016. So Cruz will have to do.

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+ Doug Dahlgren, a Chicago reader, regarding QT's wondering if it could ever get readers to stop playing games with President Obama's announcement that his favorite food is broccoli, writes: "Beets me." + Tara Gallagher, a Seattle reader, writes: "You may be sailing uncharded waters." Your cress is as good as QT's.

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News Headline: "SyFy announces Twitter contest to name Sharknado sequel" M.T., a Chicago reader, writes: "Add a new species, and it could be Snakes on the Rain." Sorry. No more games. QT will put the brakes on a refrain.

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News Headline: "Chess game escalates into armed standoff"Chess rage?

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News Headline:"George Zimmerman eyes law school" Fair warning to avert ours.

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News Headline: "Fracking and energy exploration connected to earthquakes, say studies" Move along, nothing to see here...

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language: Karl Weiszhaar, a Denver reader, writes: "I know that 'defenestration' is the act of tossing someone or something out a window. Is there a word tossing someone or something off a balcony?" Using the same method of drawing from a Latin root, QT comes up with "demaenianumification." Except there is not a single Google hit for "demaenianumification." No. Wait. There is now.

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Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

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