1. Seth MacFarlane definitely won't be hosting the Oscars next year
Because no one believed him the first eight times he said it, Seth MacFarlane wants you to know that he's really, really serious: He will not be hosting the Oscars next year. "Traumatized critics exhale: I'm unable to do the Oscars again. Tried to make it work schedule-wise, but I need sleep," tweeted MacFarlane on Monday, disappointing anyone who was looking forward to finding out what other celebrities' boobs he saw in 2012. "My suggestion for host is Joaquin Phoenix," added MacFarlane, offering a brief glimpse of the dated, reference-laden humor we'll all be tragically missing out on at the Oscars next year.
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2. Stone Temple Pilots replace lead singer with that guy from Linkin Park
When 90s rock band Stone Temple Pilots dumped lead singer Scott Weiland earlier this year, many fans wondered how they'd ever find a replacement. But mere months later, the band has already announced Weiland's appropriately mediocre successor: Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington. "Chester has a one-of-a-kind voice that we've admired for a long time," said guitarist Dean DeLeo in an interview quoted at MTV News. Which is a nicer way of saying, "He can scream really loud."
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3. No, January Jones won't tell you who the father of her baby is
You can keep asking, but January Jones won't tell you who fathered her young son Xander — not even if you ask really, really nicely. "That's my son's business," said Jones about the baby's father, who has been rumored to be everyone from Michael Fassbender to Xander Berkeley, in a recent interview with the New York Times. "It's not the public's business," she added — so we're sure everyone will just leave her alone about it now.
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4. You can buy Luke Skywalker's pants
Are you an obsessive Star Wars fan with some Imperial credits burning a hole in your pocket? The Hollywood Reporter has some good news for you: You can bid on the white jeans worn by Mark Hamill in Star Wars, which are currently up for auction at the bargain-basement price of $29,834. The report adds that the jeans aren't just a piece of Star Wars history, but also "Levi's history." So now's your chance, Star Wars/men's pants enthusiasts.
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5. ABC has a celebrity karaoke reality show on the way
Because no reality genre can truly be complete until a bunch of D-list celebrities have participated in it, ABC has announced plans to air a celebrity karaoke competition called Sing Your Face Off this summer. Entertainment Weekly reports that the "celebrities" competing will including Jon Lovitz, Lisa Rinna, and heavy metal singer Sebastian Bach, who would seem to have an unfair advantage, if the integrity of these competitions actually mattered to anyone.
