The Week contest - Pretentious microbrews

Welcome to The Week's "What Next?" contest, an invitation to test your powers of imagination with challenges inspired by current events.

Click here for the results of the previous contest: Dumb bumpers

Last week's contest: Sales of craft beers such as Sweetwater Happy Ending Imperial Stout and Wasatch Polygamy Porter (from Utah) jumped 13 percent last year. Given the soaring prospects for microbrews, we asked you to concoct the most pretentious name for a beer ever.

The Week

Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

SUBSCRIBE & SAVE

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters

From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.

From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.

Sign up

RESULTS:

THE WINNER: Vermont Mountain Lakes Shade-Grown Double-Hopped Not Quite Pale Ale

TM Flynn, Lyndon Center, VT

SECOND PLACE: Rachel's Enviro-Friendly Wheat-Free Wheat Beer

Gary Hennion, New York, NY

THIRD PLACE: Horst Anderwaggen's Premium Sauerkraut Stout

John Kirby, Chattanooga, TN

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Carry My Bags Porter

Joe Adiletta, Cambridge, MA

Cannes de Bière

Paul Kazee, Schenectady, NY

I-Have-Health-Care-And-You-Don't

Linda Manuel, Stockton, NJ

It's- a-Hops-Thing,-I-Doubt-You'll-Understand

Bob Welch, Minnetonka, MN

Miles, Charlie & Dizzy's Favorite Brew

Ron Sahatjian, Lexington, MA

Ivy Leaguer Lager

Angela James, Westminster, MD

Summa Cum Lager

Ginny Lord, Oconomowoc, WI

Cask System

Roni Rork, Humboldt, MA

Poursche

Paul Witte, New Hope, PA

Dom Beerignon

Bob Scheibel, Woodland Hills, CA

Dom Perignale

David Carpenter, North Hills, CA

Et Tu, Brewtus?

Emily Cooper, Hillsborough, NC

Pitcher of Dorian Gray

Tim Edgerton, Sonora, CA

You Pale in Comparison Ale

Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA

Brood in Obscurity

Megan Lyons, Sarasota, FL

Believe in Bain Beer

Esther Fishman, San Francisco, CA

Budweisest

Barb Pollyea, La Mesa, CA

Bud Light Unobtanium

Duncan Seagle, Seattle, WA

The Mother of the King of Beers

Gary Klein, Pleasantville, NY

Wine!

Janet E. Stafford, Oklahoma City, OK