After months of silence, Tiger Woods publicly apologized today for the sex scandal that has been in the headlines since November. After Mark Steinberg, Woods's agent, announced the press conference earlier this week, many commentators have offered suggestions for what the world's best golfer should say. He didn't take their advice in all cases — but are his words likely to satisfy his fans, his sponsors, his fellow golfers, and the general public? And what will become of his marriage and his golf career? (Watch Tiger a CGI reenactment of Tiger Woods' Thanksgiving scuffle with his wife)
If you don't forgive Tiger, you've got your own problems: "While a great many of the people following this are still titillated by the number of paramours Tiger had and how he hooked up and whether he's addicted to sex, it sounds as if he's determined as hell to atone for what he's done and become a better man. For those who don't find that good enough or revealing enough at this point, well, it sounds like they've got their own issues." (Washington Post)
His body language was w-e-i-r-d: "It was deer-in-the-headlights. Lots of white above the irises of his eyes. He was absolutely terrified. Very far from his normal behavior. [And the first time he mentioned his wife and children] his eyes were absolutely dead, his voice had no emotion and absolutely monotone. He detached himself. It was very, very bizarre." ("Body language expert and media coach" Patti Wood, as quoted by Us Weekly)
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
SUBSCRIBE & SAVE
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
3:00 P.M.
This was all about corporate interests: "The sad truth is that Tiger Woods the man clearly wanted to get up and say, 'I publicly apologize to my wife and family who I have publicly humiliated. To everyone else, it's none of your business.' That might have felt right to the Tiger the man, but today we saw what you do when you're a brand before a man." (The Nation)
2:00 P.M.
Elin didn't hit him with a 9-iron — good to clear that up: "It was right of Tiger to tell people to leave his family alone as he did... But he went farther than that, stating outright that his wife did not attack him as so many have declared." (True/Slant)
1:00 P.M.
Thank heavens he kept it PG: "Tiger's prepared statement alternated between contrite, defiant, angry, rambling and occasionally creepy. It got a little uncomfortable when he started talking about his entitled attitude and his ability to take what he wanted, when he wanted. Thankfully, he veered back on course before it got graphic." (Deadspin)
12:05 P.M.
Think of the children: "The part about his work with disadvantaged children did feel very self-serving. I'm a terrible person, and I've let down all of the MILLIONS OF POOR, NEEDY CHILDREN who I've helped over my long, generous career." (Slate sports editor Josh Levin, via the Washington Post)
11:55 A.M.
Next stop... Oprah! "Clearly, this is a story that's not going away. Maybe we'll have to liveblog his eventual appearance on Oprah. You know he's going to be on Oprah." (NPR)
11:50 A.M.
Let's politicize this! “I think [conservatives] should take a page out of Elin's playbook and take a nine iron and smash the window out of big government in this country.” (MN Gov. Tim Pawlenty, via WSJ)
11:50 A.M.
Harder than winning the Masters: "Cynics out there will say he did it to save his career, his few remaining endorsement deals. But it took huge courage to get up there and be so honest and frank." (Gather)
11:32 A.M.
Tiger could teach Wall Street a thing or two: "He said, 'I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply'...The Wall Street and country club crowd that idolized Tiger in so many ways really needs to be reminded [of this], too." (True/Slant)
11:27 A.M.
Maybe he'll play Augusta after all? "Jimmy Roberts on NBC says Tiger might play at Augusta. Perfect, since they hate women there." (Gawker)
11:21 A.M.
His parents had skewed priorities: "One thing we have to remember, is that Woods was basically trained to be a pro golfer from the time he was a toddler. If his parents and other adults had spent as much time on character development as on golf, maybe he wouldn't have had to make the apology today." (NPR)
11:21 A.M.
He's a disgrace: "This man didn't look believable at all. It's almost laughable, these statements. Two or three more bad interviews, and this guy could be like Pee Wee Herman or Mike Tyson." (Ron Torossian, CEO — 5W Public Relations, via ABC)
11:19 A.M.
No timetable for return?! "Doesn't know! Could be this year! Holy moly. Woods could be out the whole of 2010. So much for the Masters, so much for the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, the British Open at St. Andrews. What a year it might have been. And now he's done, goodbye, Tiger." (Golf)
11:18 A.M.
No steroid use? Not good enough: "Alex Rodriguez didn't exactly give you the most believable version of things when he got outed for using steroids last spring. Neither did Andy Pettitte when he got clipped for using HGH. At least they answered questions." (NY Daily News)
11:16 A.M.
Where's the coffin? "No applause. Quiet like a funeral." (Washington Post)
11:16 A.M.
Well played: "It's really a very well crafted statement. He'll win a lot of sympathy points. And he still won't have to answer the tough questions." (Washington Post)
11:15 A.M.
Aw... "HUGS MOM! WELL PLAYED." (Fanhouse)
11:15 A.M.
There's also golf being played this week: "He's also hoping that Accenture and his fellow pro golfers don't mind he's upstaging their weekend." (NPR)
11:14 A.M.
Brit Hume will be disappointed: "He hasn't found God, but he's talking about Buddhism. Does that count?" (Fanhouse)
11:12 A.M.
The Mrs. isn't anywhere to be seen: "What an amazing soap opera this is. And where IS Elin?" (Washington Post)
11:10 A.M.
A flash of emotion: "Angry Tiger! And now we're back from the anger. 'I stopped living by the core values that I believe in,' he says. Okay, that's better. 'I thought only about myself.' 'I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to.' 'I felt I was entitled.' Yes, yes and yes." (Golf)
11:08 A.M.
Sounding clunky: "A lot of this seems very repetitive. Could have used a good editor." (NPR)
11:08 A.M.
Bleep... bloop: "Is Tiger a robot? Is it really him? I don't think so. This is awful." (Fanhouse)
11:06 A.M.
Open collar? "I'm no Robin Givhan, but I think he should have worn a tie. Shows seriousness." (Washington Post)
11:05 A.M.
Um... what's the point? "Lots of mentions of 'behavior' but no specifics on what his plans are. Didn't take long to bring up the foundation, did it? Where is this going?" (Golf)
11:05 A.M.
His bearing is somber: "Woods clearly is really taking this seriously. Very sober statement so far." (NPR)
11:03 A.M.
Unconvinced! "I'll go ahead and predict the 'he's not really sad' backlash." (Fanhouse)
11:03 A.M.
It's certainly going to be secure: "I wish I could overstate my excitement for this, but I just can't — the freaking Secret Service has been called in to run PGA Media security." (Fanhouse)
10:44 A.M.
.................................................
SEE MORE OF THE WEEK'S COVERAGE OF TIGER WOODS:
• Is Tiger Woods's sex addiction real?
• Brit Hume: Tiger must find Christ
• Tiger doctor's 'doping' scandal
• Tiger's 'post racial' sex scandal?
Will Starmer's Brexit reset work?
How domestic abusers are exploiting technology
Scientists finally know when humans and Neanderthals mixed DNA
