Apostrophe is doomed as protection society folds

The days of the apostrophe may be numbered as the Apostrophe Protection Society announced it plans to close. The chairman John Richards, 96, said: “We, and our many supporters worldwide, have done our best but the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won!”

‘Highly contagious’ urine shuts down Washington cinema

A cinema in Washington was evacuated after a wayward package of urine was sent to the wrong address. The incident began when a box marked “highly contagious human substance” wrongly arrived at the North Bend Theater and began to leak. The manager was taken to hospital as a precaution but the cinema later announced: “All is well.”

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Ring lost in 1992 shows up 2,000 miles away

A wedding ring lost by an Oregon woman on a skiing trip in 1992 has turned up 2,000 miles away. Melisse De La Mare, of Portland, said she lost the precious ring while skiing on Mount Bachelor in Bend, Ore. A jeweller who found the ring used clues to track down its owner and reunite it with her. The two women have now become friends.

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