Is standard beef jerky just not exhilarating enough? Yes, say the New York-based creators of Perky Jerky, the world’s first caffeinated meat snack. Each one-ounce bite, they say, delivers as much "invigoration" as a small cup coffee. Of course, this isn't America's first alternate meat-snack. Here, 6 of the deliberately tough rivals that Perky Jerky will face in the "weird jerky" product aisle:
1. Cheese jerky: Snack Patrol’s Cheese Jerky infuses “award-winning” chunks of cheese with shredded premium beef. Also known as "a lactose-intolerant vegetarian’s worst nightmare."
2. Alcoholic jerky: "Driving while under the influence of jerky" may become a sadly common infraction if Timberline Smokehouse’s meat-booze combos — “Beer and Fire,” “Sweet Bourbon & Honey Pepper,” and “Tequila Jalapeno” — take off.
3. Ominously ambiguous jerky: An 8-ounce bag of "hand-sliced" Sasquatch Jerky by Jerky.com can be yours for only $499.99. Rumor has it that Sasquatch Jerky is just beef mixed with a spicy dash of marketing cyncism.
4. Clam jerky: Over time, jerky producers have embraced other protein sources — from turkey to ostrich, from emu to alligator — to intrigue those bored by beef. None of these products actively stinks, however, like Tengu’s “soft style” clam jerky, a Japanese delicacy imbued with a “strong fishy” smell and a decidedly clammy flavor.
5. Networking-friendly jerky: A company called Meatcards will transform a slab of dehydrated meat into a useable business card. Though these laser-etched cards aren’t designed for human consumption, no one ever said Americans are sensible.
6. Supermodel jerky: Only one thing distinguishes Elizabeth Hurley Organic Beef Jerky from ordinary beef jerky. It is produced from Hurley's "own herd of rare breed Gloucester cattle." The actress/model credits her svelte body to a strict diet of vodka and beef jerky, which raise troubling questions about the dangers of raising cattle tipsily.
...............................................
SEE THE WEEK'S RELATED COVERAGE:
• The McNugget meltdown - and 6 more fast-food freakouts
• Climate change: time to eat Fido?
• PETA's war on Thanksgiving
• The 'man boob' epidemic
