Full gender equality, Overachievers

Good week for:

Full gender equality, after a British college found it necessary to warn female students to stop wolf whistling at campus construction workers. A spokeswoman for the contractors admitted that none had actually complained.

Infidels, heretics, and apostates, after a new Pew Forum poll found that 70 percent of Americans, including 57 percent of evangelical Christians, agree that “many religions can lead to eternal life.”

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Dining in Beijing, after China’s image-conscious government provided restaurants with more appealing English translations of traditional dishes just in time for the Olympics. “Husband and wife’s lung slice” will henceforth be rendered as “beef and ox tripe in chili sauce,” while “bean curd made by pockmarked woman” becomes “mapo tofu.”

Bad week for:

Overachievers, after a student at Tesoro High School in affluent Orange County, Calif., was charged with 69 criminal counts for allegedly hacking into the school computer and changing all of his bad grades to A’s. Omar Khan, say prosecutors, wanted to get into a good college.

Those who fail to scoop, after a British community group began spraying dog droppings with pink paint in order to shame people into cleaning up after their pets. “It’s also a way of letting people see it so they don’t step in it,” said a spokesman.

National sports icons, after soccer legend Pelé found his chauffeur-driven car surrounded by a gang of handgun-wielding young men in São Paulo, Brazil. “I’m Pelé!” he shouted. Unimpressed, the thugs took his watch, gold chain, and cell phone.