People with piercings in the privates, Playing it safe

Good week for:

April Fools’ jokes, after British newspapers printed photos of penguins flying north to the Amazon, and also “revealed” on April 1 that France’s diminutive President Nicolas Sarkozy would undergo a pioneering stretching operation so that he’d be as tall as his new wife, former model Carla Bruni.

Principle, after a Syracuse University philosophy professor walked out of a lecture when a student typed a text message during class. Laurence Thomas had warned students that he would not tolerate texting during his lectures, and said he would continue to walk out rather than “tolerate such brazen disrespect.”

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People with piercings in their private parts, after the Transpor­tation Security Administration said it would henceforth allow such passengers to pass through metal detectors with piercings in place if inspectors could privately view them. The new policy was announced after a Texas woman complained that agents forced her to remove her nipple piercings with pliers in order to board a plane.

Bad week for:

The vice squad, after Wisconsin police raided a high school “kegger” only to discover that the kegs were filled with root beer. Ninety breath tests all turned up negative.

Campaign stunts, after Barack Obama bowled a 37 while trying to impress working-class Pennsylvanians at an alley in Altoona. “My economic plan is better than my bowling,” said Obama after throwing numerous gutter balls. “It has to be,” a spectator called out.

Playing it safe, after the owner of racehorse Hear the Echo declined to bet on his own stallion in the Irish Grand National, reasoning that the 33–1 shot had no chance of winning. The horse came in first. “I thought he was going out for a run to keep himself warm,” said owner Michael O’Leary.