Sen. McConnell the Elder and the fall of the American Republic

A future history of the fall of America

Mitch McConnell.
(Image credit: Illustrated | Getty Images, iStock)

GENEVA, 2147 — The North American territory between Canada and Mexico is, as everyone knows, a blighted dystopian hellscape. Just last month United Nations peacekeepers attempting to mediate between the Fuddruckers Free State and the New Virginia Republic were attacked by "coal bandits" — part of a primitive nomadic tribe that practices a ritual in which this type of rock is set ablaze in great heaps to appease the gods. Luckily, the troops were able to withdraw before the heavily-armed irregulars, operating an early 21st-century type of wheeled transportation known as an "F-350 Super Duty," could cut them off.

A century and a half ago, this region was home to by far the most powerful nation on Earth: the United States. Many have attempted to explain its downfall — suggesting a decline in civic virtue, an inability to move past filthy fossil fuel energy sources, a poor diet, or other reasons.

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