1. Kylie Jenner faces a legal challenge on trademarking her infant daughter's name
Kylie Jenner is nothing if not a savvy businesswoman — which is probably why she's trying to file a bunch of trademarks related to the name of her daughter, Stormi, despite said daughter being two years old. But this time, Jenner's empire may have been thwarted by a rival: Business Moves Consulting, a New Orleans-based clothing company, which already trademarked the name "Stormi Couture" in 2018. The company's case against Jenner says her trademark should be denied because she has "no bona fide intent" to actually use the child's name in a business capacity — proving they really, really don't know how the Kardashian clan operates.
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2. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will officially be post-royal on April 1
How long does it actually take to "step back" from the royal family? Via Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, we finally have our answer: About two and a half months. Following their initial January announcement, the couple has formally confirmed that their royal duties will conclude on March 31. The announcement frees up Harry and Markle to do whatever they want just in time for April Fool's Day, so we hope they've got a whole sack of rubber chickens and whoopee cushions at the ready.
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3. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon texted Tom Brady to try to figure out his NFL future
The biggest open question of the NFL offseason is the future of quarterback Tom Brady, who has not revealed whether or not he'll be returning to the New England Patriots or moving to another team following the end of his current contract. But being an A-list celebrity has its perks — which is why Ben Affleck and Matt Damon used their lifelong connections to the New England sports scene to text Brady directly and ask about his future plans. The answer, according to Affleck? A simple "shrug" emoji — perhaps because there's not yet an emoji for, "I'm not going to blow all my leverage in these contract negotiations just because I liked you in Good Will Hunting."
Us Weekly
4. Lana Del Rey cancels her European tour
If you had tickets to see Lana Del Rey at one of her shows in Europe next month, get ready for some springtime sadness. The singer has abruptly canceled her entire tour, citing the need for time off due to an unspecified illness. In a statement, Del Rey said she has "totally lost [her] singing voice" — which would, admittedly, detract from at least some of what fans were hoping to see at a Lana Del Rey concert.
Variety
5. There's some intriguing new evidence for everyone's favorite Bachelor conspiracy theory
For weeks, Bachelor devotees have been collecting evidence that the upcoming finale might conclude with an unprecedented twist: Bachelor Peter Weber spurning all the remaining contestants in favor of Julie LaPlaca, one of the show's off-screen producers. But ridiculous as that might sound, gossip hounds have turned up a new smoking gun: A video, filmed earlier this week, of Weber and his mother splitting a bottle of wine with LaPlaca at a winery near Weber's Los Angeles residence. (No word on the type of wine they were sharing, but per Bachelor tradition, we're guessing a rosé.)
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