COVID-19 has not gone away, and "if we do get a fifth wave, it won't affect the entire country equally, because the places hardest hit tend to have low vaccination rates," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "Well, yeah. At this point, staying unvaccinated is like wearing a Yankees hat to a Red Sox game: You're probably going to end up in the hospital, and it's your own damn fault."
The pandemic has had some unexpected side effects. "According to the renowned scientific publication Match.com, 81 percent of single men said sex is now less important that it was for them in pre-pandemic times, because they've become more well-rounded," Colbert said. And "speaking of surveys, another survey," this one about slang, he added. "Turns out boomers use 'woke' more than other generations. Well, that got co-opted fast. Not a total shocker — boomers are on the cutting edge of being woke ... at 4 a.m. to go pee."
The Late Show had the perfect playlist for the single people not getting it on.
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And The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon had "a tiny song" to "help everyone brush up on their slang definitions."
Meanwhile, the "infamous insurrectionist known as the QAnon Shaman is probably not going to be storming anything anytime soon," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. It's "weird to think the QAnon Shaman could get four years in prison when the guy who encouraged him to do it could get four more years in the White House."
Kimmel also fired up a feud with Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.), proving how "unbelievably over-the-top" her videos are by showing some to people on the street, saying they were Saturday Night Live skits, and asking if SNL was "too mean" with its parodies.
Republican 2024 hopefuls are all struggling with "what to do about the man who thinks he won the election in 2020, Donald J. Trump," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. Well, except Chris Christie, the "one Republican who is brave — or stupid — enough to stand in his way." Look, "I do get Chris Christie's point" about focusing on Joe Biden's failures, not Trump's loss, he said, "but telling Donald Trump to stop obsessing over the 2020 results is like telling Gollum to maybe try a necklace or a bracelet or something — it's not going to happen."
Late Night's Seth Meyers, meanwhile, took a closer look at how "the GOP and Fox News are lying about the state of the economy under Joe Biden and attempting to purge from their ranks anyone who dared vote for a bipartisan infrastructure bill," plus lots of tangents.
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