Speed Reads

'the Great Pumpkin but without the charm'

Jimmy Kimmel rolls his eyes at the 'QAnon nuts' gathered in Dallas for JFK Jr.'s resurrection, Trump's anointing

"In Dallas today, hundreds of these QAnon nuts gathered in Dealey Plaza to witness the triumphant return of John F. Kennedy Jr., who you may recall is dead — he died in a plane crash in 1999," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live. "But these people believe he didn't actually die, he's been working as a secret agent of Donald Trump to put him in power." You might "find this hard to believe," he deadpanned, but "he didn't show."

At 12:29 p.m., the crowd recited the Pledge of Allegiance, and when neither JFK Jr. nor former President Donald Trump showed up a minute later, some suggested the dead Kennedys would show up at a Rolling Stones concert Tuesday night. "Still, the crowd stuck around for several hours, even as heavy rain started pouring down," Rolling Stone reports in a dispatch from Dallas. "This is like Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin, but without the charm," Kimmel sighed. "It's crazy."

And even if JFK Jr. did rise from the dead and joined the QAnon supporters at the site of his father's murder, "do you think he would be on your side?" Kimmel asked. "Some of these bananas were saying John F. Kennedy Sr. was going to show up, too, which — JFK was born in 1917. Even if he was alive, he'd be 104 years old. Why not bring back Abraham Lincoln while we're at it?" 

"The renaissance of JFK Jr. is an increasingly popular cornerstone of the QAnon conspiracy theory," Rolling Stone reports. "The theory postulates that JFK Jr. has been in hiding for years and will eventually reveal himself as Trump's running mate for the 2024 election." Some suggest Trump will then step aside and former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn will be JFK Jr.'s vice president, Rolling Stone adds, and "the feverish fantasy concludes by claiming that Trump will become '1 of the 7 new Kings. Most likely the King of Kings,' a reference to a biblical passage in Revelations 17." JFK Jr. would be the one to anoint him king. 

Kimmel also took shots at some of the "crazy people of below-average intelligence in Congress," notably Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), his "fellow whack-job from Colorado" Rep. Lauren Boebert (R), and "the genius from Georgia," Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R). You can watch that above.