Man splattered as plane drops ‘fluidy’ excrement

A man in Windsor said he was “splattered in a very unpleasant way” when human waste was dropped from a plane. Local councillor Karen Davies said she was “horrified” to hear of the incident. One of her colleagues speculated that the warm weather on the day of the sub-optimal incident meant the excrement could have “come out as a more ‘fluidy’ item”. A resident said “when an aircraft dispatches it onto people’s heads” that’s “heinous, frankly”.

Queen refuses Oldie award

The Queen has declined an award of Oldie of the Year, saying "you are only as old as you feel". The 95-year-old “politely but firmly” turned down the award, but sent the Oldie magazine a message with her “warmest best wishes,” said the BBC. “Her Majesty believes you are as old as you feel,” added the message. Her late husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, was Oldie of the Year in 2011.

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Gardener told to cut ‘obscene’ bush

A gardener who trimmed a 10ft hedge into a hand with an extended middle finger has been warned he faces police action if he doesn’t cute down the “obscene” bush. Richard Jenkins, 63, initially carved it 20 years ago as a joke. The naughty bush has become an online hit, attracting hundreds of visitors, with Instagram and TikTok fans who are keen to be snapped of videoed standing next to it.