The Week contest: Half house

This week's question: The remaining half of a tiny, one-bedroom bungalow in Southern California that was smashed by a falling tree is on the market for $499,999. In seven or fewer words, come up with a real-estate listing that will entice buyers to make an offer on this extremely open-plan property.
Click here to see the results of last week's contest: Pay wedding
RESULTS:
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THE WINNER: "Split, leveled fixer-upper"
John Haug, Roeland Park, Kansas
SECOND PLACE: "Move-in ready, just bring umbrella"
Doug Lindberg, Bradenton, Florida
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THIRD PLACE: "Remember how you loved tree houses?"
Mark Miller, Los Angeles, California
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
"Landscaped, inside and out!"
Patty Oberhausen, Fort Wayne, Indiana
"Unparalleled forest views"
Dave Grossman, Petaluma, California
"Half the house, half the hassle"
Ken Kellam III, Dallas, Texas
"Exposed brick/rafters/columns/plumbing/ductwork"
Tim Mistele, Coral Gables, Florida
"House with good bones needs skin"
Laurel Rose, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
"Absolutely smashing forest views"
Bill Mistele, New City, New York
"New skylight; solid redwood interior"
Rick Torrence, The Village, Oklahoma
"Fallingwater, make way for Fallingtree!"
Joe Ayella, Wayne, Pennsylvania
"Renovations begun by Mother Nature"
Michael Maggio, Galloway, New Jersey
"Our branch office is happy to assist"
Ricky Montgomery, Des Moines, Iowa
"Fixer-upper, lumber included"
David Eppley, Fort Gratiot, Michigan
"Breathtaking views with natural ventilation"
John Sullivan, West Babylon, New York
"Home bargain: Buy one, get one tree"
Thomas Lally, Loveland, Ohio
"An exhibitionist’s dream house!"
Daniel Hicks, Randolph, Massachusetts
"For sale: Open house. Really open house."
John Cooke, Malverne, New York
"Room to grow — just add walls"
Annik Stahl, Denver, Colorado
"Heavily-wooded property recently reduced by half"
Jason Schnuit, Santa Monica, California
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