Stephen Colbert congratulated every New Yorker who voted on Tuesday night, telling them on Wednesday's Late Show, "you did your part for democracy, and as a reward, you're now eligible for jury duty." The big winners, of course, were Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, Colbert said. "New Yorkers haven't seen a thrashing this bad since any Knicks game."
He didn't dwell much on Clinton v. Sanders. "On the Democratic side, it was a tough choice for New Yorkers," Colbert said. "You go to the polls, you see old ladies working there, you wanna make them happy but you don't know: Have they been waiting for their whole lives for a woman president, or are they friends with Bernie from aquarobics?" He did a bit on CNN changing the color of the Empire State Building to announce the winners, then said, "Of course, the clearest message coming out of New York last night was: Suck it, Ted Cruz. Suck our New York values." After noting just how poorly Cruz did in New York, Colbert ended by explaining in sordid detail what he thought Cruz meant when he said Tuesday night that "America has always best when she is lying down with her back on the mat." Peter Weber
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