Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Roy Moore

Stephen Colbert has a solution to the GOP's Roy Moore quandary

Thursday's Late Show opened with Satan protesting that he doesn't want Alabama GOP Senate nominee Roy Moore in hell, because "we have shopping malls down here, too!" — a response to a comment from Ivanka Trump about people who abuse children.

Stephen Colbert noted that sexual harassment is a bipartisan issue, starting with a tart takedown of Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.), then pivoting to Moore. He noted that one of the four new women who came forward on Wednesday to accuse Moore of sexual impropriety wasn't, for a change, a teenager when Moore allegedly grabbed her, but a 28-year-old mother — though Moore did ask a lot of questions about her "pretty" daughters. "Well, that's just family values — in that he values dating your entire family," Colbert said.

Another woman said Moore called her at high school, during trig class, after she refused to give him her phone number. "That's impressive — Roy Moore actually made trigonometry the more appealing option," Colbert said. Moore is fighting back — against both the women and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Colbert analyzed Moore's signature in a high school yearbook and had a good laugh at Moore's misjudged "Bring. It. On" tweet.

Still, "all of these allegations have put Republicans in a tough position," Colbert noted. "They want to hold on to the Senate, but they don't want to back a perv." McConnell wanted Attorney General Jeff Sessions to step into the race, because of two attributes. "Yes, well-known and extremely popular in Alabama are the only criteria," Colbert said, "so in that case, your other choices are Forrest Gump, a statue of Bear Bryant, or a jug of sweet tea with sunglasses." He and bandleader Jon Batiste backed different candidates from that pool.

Colbert ended with a WWJD-inspired look at the $450 million sale of Leonardo Da Vinci's "Salvator Mundi." You can watch below. Peter Weber