Late Night Tackles Trump versus the World
Stephen Colbert can't believe Trump is bringing America to the brink of war with Canada
Monday night's Late Show began by imagining Tuesday's summit between President Trump and Kim Jong Un as a boxing match.
"Tensions are high, and the United States is on the precipice of unthinkable international conflict — and that's with Canada," Stephen Colbert said. "Our relations have not been this bad with Canada since they stole the word 'bacon' — Canadian bacon is just round ham, you monsters."
"If you're one of those nerds out there who values the Western alliance that has safeguarded democracy for 70 years, it was a tough weekend for you," Colbert said, running down what happened at the G7 summit in Canada. After the summit, Trump "basically broke up with NATO via tweet," he explained. German Chancellor "Angela Merkel called his actions 'sobering and somewhat depressing.' Well, I'll join you with 'depressing,' but while Trump is president, you're on your own with sober." Trump sent off some angry tweets about Canada's Justin Trudeau, and his economic advisers one-upped him, with Peter Navarro saying there's a "special place in hell" for Canada's leader. "Yes, Canadian hell," Colbert agreed, "where Bud Light is on tap, they never play Gordon Lightfoot, and you have to choose between Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling. It's torture!"
"So, Canada's our enemy now," Colbert sighed. "And what makes this even crazier is that while he's slapping around our allies, Trump is stroking our enemies," notably Russia. He elaborated.
Colbert circled back to the Trump-Kim summit, roasting Trump for his self-proclaimed "my touch, my feel" form of diplomacy and laughing at the report that Kim brought his own toilet with him to Singapore to safeguard his feces. "So what the hell is going on with Trump's foreign policy?" he asked. The Atlantic asked several Trump officials, and one reply stood out: "We're America, bitch!" Colbert wasn't convinced: "Huh, that's weird, because it really looks like we're Russia's bitch." Watch below. Peter Weber