"I've got good news and I've got bad news," Stephen Colbert, "that guy from CBS," said on Tuesday's Late Show. "The bad news is I lied, there's no good news." In a 5-4 vote Tuesday, the Supreme Court "fell for" President Trump's argument that his Muslim ban was really a "travel ban," he explained. "Oooh, 5-4 — this close to being able to look our grandchildren in the eye." Chief Justice John Roberts ignored all of Trump's anti-Muslim comments to reach his decision and ruled that Trump's campaign rhetoric may not be legally determinative. "So the things he said during the campaign may not be true?" Colbert deadpanned. "Wait! Does that mean he's not making America great?"
Trump celebrated the decision on Twitter and with congressional Republicans, then laid out his new immigration plan: "I'm sorry, you can't come in." Hey, Colbert said, "stop stealing your ideas from the sign on Melania's door." Trump also offered some puzzling thoughts on finding immigration judges. "All right, who had 'Make barbers judges' on their Trump meltdown pool?" Colbert asked. "I was close; I had 'Appoint golden retriever to the Supreme Court.'"
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
-
'Without mandatory testing, bird flu will continue circulating at farms across the country'Instant Opinion Opinion, comment and editorials of the day
-
Thirteen missing after Red Sea tourist boat sinksSpeed Read The vessel sank near the Egyptian coastal town of Marsa Alam
-
Khan supporters converge on IslamabadSpeed Read Protesters clashing with Pakistani authorities are demanding the release of jailed former prime minister Imran Khan
-
'Wicked' and 'Gladiator II' ignite holiday box officeSpeed Read The combination of the two movies revitalized a struggling box office
-
Jussie Smollet conviction overturned on appealSpeed Read The Illinois Supreme Court overturned the actor's conviction on charges of staging a racist and homophobic attack against himself in 2019
-
Quincy Jones, music icon, is dead at 91Speed Read The legendary producer is perhaps best known as the architect behind Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'
-
OJ Simpson, star athlete tried for murder, dead at 76Speed Read The former football hero and murder suspect lost his battle with cancer
-
Momofuku's 'Chili Crunch' trademark uproarSpeed Read The company's attempt to own the sole rights has prompted backlash
-
Kevin Hart awarded Mark Twain PrizeSpeed Read He is the 25th recipient of the prestigious comedy prize
-
Is Downton Abbey set to return for a final film?Speed Read Imelda Staunton reveals that a third movie may be in the pipeline
-
'Oppenheimer' sweeps Oscars with 7 winsspeed read The film won best picture, best director (Christopher Nolan) and best actor (Cillian Murphy)
