Everything we know about Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report is from a four-page summary by Attorney General William Barr, and The Late Show imagined on Tuesday how Barr might summarize some classic novels.
"I can understand why the Democrats want the entire report made public, because the attorney general who summarized Mueller's report is Trump's guy," Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. "It's like asking Michael Jackson's lawyers to recap the documentary. They'd probably be like, 'Uh, it was mostly about how much he loved his fans, uh, a lot. Yeah, that's it.' So for the Democrats, this is just the beginning, but as far as Trump is concerned, this ends the saddest chapter in American history."
"Over at Trump TV, they will agree that this was a terrible, terrible thing, and they want revenge," Noah said, playing some clips from Fox News' prime time lineup. "Whoa, whoa, Sean Hannity, pump the brakes," he said. "If you got rid of all the conspiracy theorists, propagandists, and liars, Fox News would just be bunch of empty couches and a sexual harassment settlement. Slow down, buddy, slow down. And look, I'm not saying nobody on the left got the collusion thing wrong, but these people — these people — don't get to say sh-t about conspiracy theories and political lies."
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"Forget glass houses, these people are in a glass mansion with a stone-powered AR-15," Noah said. "And this sort of hypocrisy isn't just coming from Fox News, no. It's also coming from inside the White House," and "this thirst for vengeance goes all the way to the top." Trump's threats are easy to dismiss because "he talks like a toddler," Noah said, so he tried Trump's threats as if spoken by a Lannister, and it really was much scarier. Watch below. Peter Weber
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