Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles the Trump Administration

Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah bid less-than-fond farewells to Kirstjen Nielsen, the 'kids in cages woman'

Before President Trump fired the head of the Secret Service on Monday, he reportedly mocked his appearance, calling him "Dumbo" behind his back. That's "super gangster," because "this is the person protecting your life," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. But the big news is Trump pushing out his Homeland Security secretary.

Yes, "Kirstjen Nielsen, the woman responsible for Trump's border enforcement, has been deported out of the White House," Noah said. And she's leaving the Trump administration "with her reputation in tatters. Remember, she was the face of the Trump administration's family separation policy, where kids were split from their parents and kept in cages. So basically, the only job she can get now is working for R. Kelly."

The crazy part is that "the 'kids in cages' woman" was apparently ousted "for being 'too nice,'" Noah said. "That's like firing a cat for not displaying its anus enough." He wasn't totally unsympathetic, though: "Trump would call her early in the morning just to yell about the border? Do you know how horrible that must have been? Think about it: We're all traumatized by Trump's tweets at 5 a.m. Now imagine if the tweets came into your bedroom every morning."

The Late Show had no sympathy for Nielsen, and showed it with a display of Nielsen-centric sympathy cards.

Stephen Colbert joked that Nielsen was probably "leaving to spend more time separating her family," adding that her exit is "not a total shock," because "reportedly, for weeks Nielsen has felt 'in limbo' — limbo is the right word here, because we've all been watching just how low she can go." Colbert may not have been sympathetic but he was a little surprised that Trump thought her a softie: "Sure, she puts kids in cages, but Trump was upset because Nielsen hasn't enacted stricter immigration rules. So, he just needs someone who can be crueler to children than Kirstjen Nielsen. Get ready for Secretary of Homeland Security Pennywise." Watch below. Peter Weber