Robert Mueller speaks! — and Trevor Noah tries to decipher what he said

(Image credit: Screenshot/YouTube/The Daily Show)

published 30 May 2019

"Since the Mueller report was released six weeks ago, everyone has shared their opinion on what they think it means," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. "According to President Trump, it's 'total exoneration,'" and many Democrats see it as "the road to impeachment." But we heard nothing from Robert Mueller himself — until Wednesday. Then, after an hour of wild cable news speculation, Mueller spoke, live, on television, for about 10 minutes.

Mueller's warning about Russian election interference was clear enough. "He says every American needs to pay attention to Russian meddling, but he's really talking to one particular American," Noah said. "Let's face it, Trump is the only one that matters. I don't think Mueller is going on TV because he's worried Phil from Quiznos isn't taking America's elections seriously enough."

Still, "no one tuned in to hear Mueller talk about the Russians," Noah said. "People tuned in to hear if Robert Mueller thinks that the president obstructed justice or not," and that's where Mueller got cryptic. "Wait, what? 'If Trump didn't commit a crime, we would have said so'?" he repeated. "So Trump did commit a crime? Or did he just not not commit a crime? Like, Robert Mueller, why don't you just speak English? Even Yoda would be like, 'Mmm, report confusing you make.'"

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"Look, the way Mueller phrased this information was confusing, but most people agree that the underlying message was clear," Noah said, comparing it to an evasive answer about herpes. "For now, Robert Mueller refuses to come out and just say that the president has obstruction herpes," and "even though Mueller dropped a major hint, many people weren't satisfied with how little he said today. But I'll be honest: I don't think anyone's going to shake this guy. And I know this, because I sent our correspondents to the press conference to try and find out more." Watch that montage below. Peter Weber

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Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.