"Over the weekend, sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his New York jail cell," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "Now apparently, he — they say, and I guess they would know, though they can't say how — committed suicide. Which is surprising, because three weeks ago, he was found unconscious with marks on his neck — how the marks got there, authorities did not share with the public — and yet Epstein was left alone and not closely monitored. Now, maybe he was just in one of those prisons that really value inmate privacy. Then again, Epstein knew a lot of powerful and important people. ... A who's who of 'Who's Jeffrey Epstein? I've never met Jeffrey Epstein!'"
Given his alleged crimes and powerful friends — including President Trump and former President Bill Clinton — Epstein's death "has set off a wild wave of conspiracy theories online, the sort of stuff that only unstable tinfoil-hat loons could possibly believe — so Donald Trump," Colbert said. He did not subscribe to the conspiracy theory Trump boosted. "Really? Really? That's your theory? I'm not saying that the Clintons don't have any power — they could definitely get a reservation at any restaurant in New York City; party of four, 7 o'clock on a Saturday, maybe not — but masterminding a scheme to assassinate a high-profile prisoner in maximum-security federal custody? They couldn't even mastermind a visit to Wisconsin."
Still, Trump clearly thinks this "dangerous and completely unfounded murder conspiracy theory about his predecessor" is "the only logical answer," Colbert sighed, following Trump down his "rabbit hole" to — well, a different, only slightly more logical answer. He ended with Trump's very Trump-centric visit to El Paso and Dayton last week, his reported fury at not getting accolades for his visit, his trouble finding patients willing to meet with him, and his single, often unfortunate pose for photos, be it a baby orphaned by a mass shooter, a dictator, or a taco bowl. Watch below. Peter Weber
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
-
September 14 editorial cartoonsCartoons Sunday’s political cartoons include RFK Jr on the hook, the destruction of discourse, and more
-
Air strikes in the Caribbean: Trump’s murky narco-warTalking Point Drug cartels ‘don’t follow Marquess of Queensberry Rules’, but US military air strikes on speedboats rely on strained interpretation of ‘invasion’
-
Crossword: September 14, 2025The Week's daily crossword puzzle
-
Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
-
A long weekend in ZürichThe Week Recommends The vibrant Swiss city is far more than just a banking hub
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
