"Over the weekend, sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his New York jail cell," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "Now apparently, he — they say, and I guess they would know, though they can't say how — committed suicide. Which is surprising, because three weeks ago, he was found unconscious with marks on his neck — how the marks got there, authorities did not share with the public — and yet Epstein was left alone and not closely monitored. Now, maybe he was just in one of those prisons that really value inmate privacy. Then again, Epstein knew a lot of powerful and important people. ... A who's who of 'Who's Jeffrey Epstein? I've never met Jeffrey Epstein!'"
Given his alleged crimes and powerful friends — including President Trump and former President Bill Clinton — Epstein's death "has set off a wild wave of conspiracy theories online, the sort of stuff that only unstable tinfoil-hat loons could possibly believe — so Donald Trump," Colbert said. He did not subscribe to the conspiracy theory Trump boosted. "Really? Really? That's your theory? I'm not saying that the Clintons don't have any power — they could definitely get a reservation at any restaurant in New York City; party of four, 7 o'clock on a Saturday, maybe not — but masterminding a scheme to assassinate a high-profile prisoner in maximum-security federal custody? They couldn't even mastermind a visit to Wisconsin."
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
-
4 tips for keeping your resolutionsThe Week Recommends New Year's resolutions seem made to be broken, but with a few adjustments, you can give yourself a shot at sticking with it
-
'His disdain for international rules could eviscerate the laws of war'Instant Opinion Opinion, comment and editorials of the day
-
Getty Images and Shutterstock merge into a picture powerhouse to combat AIThe Explainer The $3.7 billion deal is one of the largest in the industry's history
-
Honda and Nissan in merger talksSpeed Read The companies are currently Japan's second and third-biggest automakers, respectively
-
Taylor Swift wraps up record-shattering Eras tourSpeed Read The pop star finally ended her long-running tour in Vancouver, Canada
-
Drake claims illegal boosting, defamationSpeed Read The rapper accused Universal Music of boosting Kendrick Lamar's diss track and said UMG allowed him to be falsely accused of pedophilia
-
'Wicked' and 'Gladiator II' ignite holiday box officeSpeed Read The combination of the two movies revitalized a struggling box office
-
Jussie Smollet conviction overturned on appealSpeed Read The Illinois Supreme Court overturned the actor's conviction on charges of staging a racist and homophobic attack against himself in 2019
-
Quincy Jones, music icon, is dead at 91Speed Read The legendary producer is perhaps best known as the architect behind Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'
-
OJ Simpson, star athlete tried for murder, dead at 76Speed Read The former football hero and murder suspect lost his battle with cancer
-
Momofuku's 'Chili Crunch' trademark uproarSpeed Read The company's attempt to own the sole rights has prompted backlash
