Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles 2020 Democrats

Jimmy Kimmel and Trevor Noah mock Biden's 'No Malarkey' bus tour

The House impeachment hearing is migrating to the Judiciary Committee, and President Trump is insisting Ukrainian President Volodymr Zelensky has totally exonerated him, Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday's Kimmel Live. "That is some argument. The idea that Trump is innocent because the guy he shook down said so is ridiculous even for him. This is like if he tweeted: 'Breaking News: Kid whose lunch money I stole says he GAVE me his lunch money because he admired my fists! Case over!'"

Trump is in Britain for a NATO summit, Kimmel said, but his friend Prime Minister Boris Johnson "is actively avoiding him because they have an election next week and he doesn't want to be seen with him. Relations between the prime minister and an American president have not been this shaky since Love Actually." Still, he said, "Trump is very popular in his party," and a new poll found that "53 percent of Republicans say they believe Donald Trump is a better president than Abraham Lincoln." Nobody really believes that, he added. "Donald Trump thinks Four Score is a strip club in Florida."

On the Democratic side, former Vice President Joe Biden is trying to rev up his campaign with a "No Malarkey" but tour in Iowa. "Who says politicians are out of touch?" Kimmel laughed. "It's like Grandpalooza is on. Good news for Billy Bush: This is now the No. 1 most embarrassing thing involving a candidate and a bus." Kimmel sent a camera crew out to poll young people on whether they know what "malarkey" even means. One guy nailed it.

"Is Joe Biden's slogan really going to be 'No Malarkey?'" Trevor Noah asked at The Daily Show. "'No Malarkey'? What does that word even mean? It sounds like the dish your vegan cousin serves at Thanksgiving. You know: 'It's not turkey, it's Malarkey! The main ingredient is mold. Namaste!'"

"Unless you're over the age of 80," Noah said, malarkey "is a term you definitely had to google." Correspondent Michael Kosta acted like the slogan was the cat's pajamas, but he also had a problematic Plan B. Watch below. Peter Weber