Speed Reads

Late night tackles Trump's sore losing

Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, and Stephen Colbert have fun with Trump's threats to stay in the White House

President Trump "is apparently threatening in private not to leave the White House," Seth Meyers said on Thursday's Late Night. "Obviously Trump won't be allowed to stay in the White House, but the fact that he's even talking about it is insane. I mean, what does he think's gonna happen? [Joe] Biden's gonna move in and they're gonna have to share a bunk bed like freshman year roommates?"

Yes, "Trump has been floating the idea that he will refuse to leave office, as if that is even an option, as if this is like a bad roommate situation," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "The big question is not whether he will stay in the White House — he won't — it's where will he go next. He's the target of multiple investigations, to the point where Vladimir Putin is being asked if Trump will pull an Edward Snowden and flee to Mother Russia."

"Here's a fun thing for those who might be looking for a last-minute holiday gift: the mayor of Atlantic City is auctioning off the chance to blow up one of Donald Trump's former casinos" next month, Kimmel said. "Whoever donates the most money gets to press the button. We should chip in and get this for Hillary Clinton, right?"

"I say we hold Biden's inauguration in Atlantic City and then let him push the button," Jimmy Fallon suggested at The Tonight Show. "You know two seconds before they do it, Eric Trump is going to wander out the front door, like, 'Is the event not inside?'"

Before the inauguration, Vice President Mike Pence awkwardly "has to appear in front of Congress to confirm Joe Biden's victory over Donald Trump," James Corden said at The Late Late Show. "Well, word has just come out that Pence will then immediately travel to the Middle East to avoid the wrath of Trump and his supporters. You know things are turbulent in the White House when you go to the Middle East for a bit of peace and quiet."

"If they do manage to pry the current president from the White House, he may need to find a different place to live," Stephen Colbert noted at The Late Show. "Because Palm Beach residents surrounding Mar-a-Lago recently sent the town a letter with a message for the outgoing commander in chief: We don't want you to be our neighbor. It's all in the new documentary, Won't You Suck It, Neighbor?" Peter Weber