Speed Reads

Late Night tackles Trump's final act

Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers say post-Trump 'unity' is premature, Trump's Twitter ban is not

Many Republicans are urging "unity" and "healing" after a violent mob of President Trump's supporters stormed the U.S. Capitol last week, and The Late Show illustrated its response Monday night.

House Democrats have introduced a resolution to impeach Trump — again — for inciting insurrection, and "some people say impeaching Trump will divide the country," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "Really? How much more divided can the country get? We're currently in a state of Monopoly game after Thanksgiving." Nearly all social media companies kicked Trump off their platforms, he added. "Trump started this year thinking he should be on Mount Rushmore, now he can't even get on Instagram. Seriously, in one weekend, Trump's phone became a $2,000 flashlight."

Now that he's permanently banned from his "precious" Twitter, Trump's "just getting Kayleigh McEnany to write his tweets on poster board and hold them out by the underpass," Stephen Colbert joked at The Late Show. What Trump's GOP "unity" chorus needs to understand "is that if you flirt with fascism long enough, before you know it you're married with two kids, Adolf and Benito," he added. "What I learned in Sunday school is that in order for there to be reconciliation, there must first be repentance. That's why you don't begin confession with, 'Bless me, Father, I've done nothing wrong — antifa coveted my neighbor's wife.'"

The Daily Show highlighted the "real victims" of the attempted putsch: conservatives who lost Twitter followers.

Yes, "Twitter announced on Friday that it has permanently banned President Trump — sorry, there's just some news stories you don't want to ruin with a punchline," Late Night's Seth Meyers joked. But "I'm not as happy about it as I thought I'd be. It kind of feels like that moment in a shark movie where the fin slowly goes back under the water — like, he's still gonna ram the boat, but now I don't know from which side."

"I have to say, the only thing scarier than Donald Trump tweeting is Donald Trump not tweeting," Jimmy Kimmel agreed on Kimmel Live. "It's like when they put a bell on a cow." Meanwhile, "in Congress, Republicans are doing everything they can to stave off another impeachment vote," he added. "Several of them are saying nine days isn't enough time to hold impeachment hearings, and they've got a point. You know, usually when the Senate tries to ram through something that quickly it's a conservative Supreme Court justice." Peter Weber