Speed Reads

last night on late night

The Daily Show and Jimmy Kimmel talk about Texas freezing over, Trump's wild feud with Mitch McConnell

There's snow almost everywhere in the U.S., and that's a real problem in Texas, Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. "Trucks spinning around? Cars flying off the road? This storm has turned Texas into that ice level from 'Mario Kart.' If I was in Texas right now, I'm carrying around a green shell with me just to be safe." Experts say "Texas neglected and underinvested in its grid until it finally broke during the storm," he said. "And look, guys, I get it. Spending money on maintaining infrastructure is probably the least sexy thing that you can do with your tax dollars" — at least "until you're in an emergency."

Noah also saluted New Orleans for turning this year's Mardi Gras into a COVID-safe "Yardi Gras" celebration.

The Late Show's Jon Batiste, a New Orleans native, and his Stay Human band mates celebrated Mardi Gras with musical tributes to New Orleans, Brazil, and Trinidad and Tobago, the latter casually featuring fire-breathing devils.

"If you're watching this from home right now, the good news is you have power," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "This morning was the coldest in decades in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, and Little Rock. In New Orleans, they had the coldest Fat Tuesday in more than 100 years. People on the streets were putting their tops on. ... It's 'Girls Gone Home' in New Orleans. It's all very sad."

Down in Florida, though, former President Donald Trump's family was celebrating his impeachment acquittal. "Mitch McConnell tried to have it both ways this weekend: After voting to acquit, McConnell gave a blistering speech condemning Trump's actions and inaction, basically saying 'Donald Trump is guilty of all the things I just found him not guilty of,'" Kimmel sighed. "It was the tortoise versus the crazy yellow hair."

"Trump fired back today," calling McConnell "a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack," Kimmel said. "I have to say, I think Mitch McConnell blew it. This was his party's best chance to make sure Trump never ran again. Remember the end of Lord of the Rings, when Frodo brought the ring all the way to the volcano and then decided not to throw it in? This was like the dumb version of that." Watch below. Peter Weber