Speed Reads

Last night on late night

Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Jimmy Kimmel take sides in the Biden-GOP vaccine mandate war

"Today a group of leading U.S. and international scientists announced new data that shows COVID booster shots are 'not appropriate' at this time," Jimmy Fallon said on Monday's Tonight Show. "And then scientists saw 100 sold-out football stadiums this weekend and were like, 'Hold that thought.'"

"For months now, the U.S. government has been everything it could to convince people to get vaccinated," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show, and now "it seems like President Biden is done waiting."

"While many health experts are happy to see Biden doing whatever he can to force people to get vaccinated, many Republicans think Biden basically just took a dump on the Constitution" with his employer mask mandates, Noah said, including one governor who vowed to "'fight them to the gates of Hell.' I mean, normally that statement is hyperbole, but with COVID you might actually get the chance."

"Of course the safety measures enraged the lunatic fringe of anti-vaxxers — otherwise known as Republican governors," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. He caricatured Biden's response to those governors, then not-quite-seamlessly transitioned from a long bit about chimeric sex parties to California's gubernatorial recall election and the many candidates vying to replace Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) — or not.

"According to the latest polls, over 60 percent of likely voters oppose recalling Gavin Newsom," Colbert said. "The other 40 percent said 'I am running for governor.' So with Newsom likely to be victorious, the GOP is taking the high road by priming their voters to believe the California recall was stolen. "No! No! Not again. We know this leads to a terrible place — Sacramento."

"President Biden was here in California today campaigning for Gov. Newsom ahead of tomorrow's recall vote — also, he ran out of weed gummies," Jimmy Kimmel joked on Kimmel Live. He said "the relentlessly maddening fact that Joe Biden has to ask people to take a life-saving vaccine" is "like if we were skydiving and he had to convince us to open our parachutes. It is ridiculous."

"But it's not just the right-wing-nuts who are smarter than science — a lot of the Lululemon crowd is opting out, too. These wellness influencers, some with big followings, are spreading dangerous misinformation," Kimmel said. "Here's a good rule of thumb: Never take medical advice from anyone with abs or from someone who wears natural deodorant." He noted Britney Spears' engagement and showed how every newscaster used the same joke.