Late night hosts have ideas about replacing Justice Stephen Breyer, if Mitch McConnell allows it

"The big story tonight comes from the highest court in the land, because Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer is retiring," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. Breyer's decision, which followed a yearlong "Breyer Retire" pressure campaign, "means that President Biden will get his first chance to name a new Supreme Court justice," he said. And remember, "if Biden can get his nominee confirmed, Democrats will still have... a crushing minority."
Breyer was reportedly more "surprised" than "upset" that somebody "jumped the gun" by leaking his retirement early, Colbert said. "That gun, by the way, has more rights than most women do under the current Supreme Court."
"At 83, Breyer only has two options — either retire or play quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers," Jimmy Fallon joked on The Tonight Show. "Breyer said he wants to retire to spend more time looking like a wise shopkeeper from a Hallmark Christmas movie."
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"Democrats have been relentlessly pestering Breyer to step down so that they can replace him before Mitch McConnell comes back into power and makes a rule that all Supreme Court justices have to have been platinum QAnon members in the past," Trevor Noah said on The Tonight Show. And "maybe I'm just scarred, because even though the Republicans don't control the Senate, don't be shocked when Mitch still makes it happen. He's just going to come out like, 'It's a longstanding Senate tradition that we cannot confirm a Supreme Court justice in a year where there's a new season of Ozark on Netflix.'"

Breyer's retirement "would allow President Biden to appoint a successor," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Said Mitch McConnell, 'With only three years left in his term? I don't think so!'" In a new video posted to social media, "former President Trump told a golfing partner that he would be the 45th and 47th president of the United States," he added. "Then again, it wouldn't be the first time he lied to a golf partner."
Jimmy Kimmel played that same video, plus the caddy responding with an enthusiastic "Yes!" "You know, some caddies really know how to wash balls," he deadpanned on Kimmel Live. "Biden said he'll keep his promise to nominate a Black woman to fill Breyer's spot. You know who he should nominate? ... Joe Biden should nominate Anita Hill to be on the Supreme Court. How good would that be?"

A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
Democrats: The 2028 race has begun
Feature Democratic primaries have already kicked off in South Carolina
-
The Pentagon's missing missiles
Feature The U.S. military is low on weapons. Can it restock before a major conflict breaks out?
-
Rescissions: Trump's push to control federal spending
Feature The GOP passed a bill to reduce funding for PBS, NPR and other public media stations
-
Israel 'pauses' Gaza military activity as aid outcry grows
Speed Read The World Health Organization said malnutrition has reached 'alarming levels' in Gaza
-
US and EU reach trade deal
Speed Read Trump's meeting with European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen resulted in a tariff agreement that will avert a transatlantic trade war
-
At least 12 dead in Thai-Cambodian clashes
Speed Read Both countries accused the other of firing first
-
US and Japan strike trade deal
Speed Read Trump signed what he's calling the 'largest deal ever made'
-
28 nations condemn Israel's 'inhumane killing' in Gaza
Speed Read Countries including Australia, France, Japan and the U.K. have released a joint statement condemning Israel's ongoing attacks
-
Israeli gunfire kills dozens at Gaza aid site
Speed Read The U.N. estimates that at least 875 Palestinians have died while trying to access food in recent months
-
Rubio says US brokered end to Syria conflict
Speed Read Syria's defense ministry was targeted in Israeli attacks on the capital
-
Trump threatens Russia with 'severe tariffs'
speed read The president also agreed to sell NATO advanced arms for Ukraine