Last Night on Late Night
"Do you guys remember Donald Trump?" Trevor Noah joked on Thursday's Daily Show. "He was a reality TV guy, used to be president, tried to overthrown the government, still kind of is? Well, if you haven't thought about him for a while, it's probably because back in January he got kicked off of Twitter and Facebook." Well, "last night, he announced that he is starting his very own social media network called 'Truth Social,'" he said. "And yes, in case you didn't get it, they're calling their posts 'truths,' which is so lame," like something you'd hear at a school assembly on saying no to drugs.
"The big reason Trump and his people want their own social media app is that they are sick and tired of censorship from Big Tech," Noah said. "And Truth Social is promising to be a free speech paradise, a place where anyone can say anything — with some exceptions." Notably, you can't criticize Trump's network on Trump's network, and honestly, "I'm actually on Trump's side here," he said. "It's his website, he doesn't want people coming on there to roast it, just like he wouldn't want people walking into his home, like, 'Who decorated this place? I looks like King Midas molested your apartment!' At the same time, though, you know this is going to backfire."
Yes, "the man who told more than 30,000 lies in office has started something called 'Truth.' He's also launched a new makeup line called 'Human Skin,'" Stephen Colbert deadpanned on The Late Show. "The site was briefly accessible to the public last night — and was immediately overrun by trolls, including one who started a fake account under the former president's name that posted a photo of a big defecating on its own scrotum."
"The former president also announced that he is setting up his own streaming service — well, his second streaming service," Colbert joked. "According to the press release, they'll proudly broadcast 'non-woke' entertainment programming. That's right, non-woke — if you can stay awake, your money back. It's gonna feature the former president's favorites, like 'Who Wants to Spank a Millionaire?' 'The Unmasked Singer,' and 'Only Fascists in the Building.'"
Things aren't going great for President Biden, either, Colbert noted. "It's been nine months, and at this point he might have to deliver his agenda by caesarian." Watch him mock Biden's old-timey Scranton stories below.