Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert can't help rising to Trump and Christopher Steele's 'pee tape' tease

"While we were gone there was major news about the most powerful man in the world: Superman," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. DC Comics announced that Superman's motto is now "Truth, Justice, and a Better Tomorrow," not "Wearing Underwear on the Outside Since 1938," he joked. But it makes sense to change the actual old slogan, Colbert said, because "if Superman really followed the current 'American Way,' he would fly to school board meetings to scream about how the vaccine gave him heat vision."

"Speaking of the Man of Steel, this weekend we got a surprise media appearance from former British spy" Christophe Steele, the author of the "Steele Dossier" on former President Donald Trump's ties to Russia. "Prior to the 2016 election, this dossier alleged, among other things, that the Russians had a videotape of the former president having prostitutes pee on a hotel bed where President Barack Obama once slept in Moscow," he said. "Even worse, he later filled Obama's Oval Office desk chair with a neo-fascist grifter constantly leaking burger farts."

"Now, the so-called 'pee-pee tape' was never released, no matter how many times I prayed, but in an interview with ABC News, Steele says the former president's pee tape 'probably' exists," Colbert said, pretending to choke up and chide Steele for getting his shattered hopes up again. "This show had an official last pee-pee tape joke on Jan. 25," he said. "You cannot get me to talk about this until the actual tape has been released — or at least streamed."

"Steele isn't the only one still talking about that tape," Colbert noted. "At a donor retreat last week — and this is true — the former president said, out of nowhere, 'I'm not into golden showers.'" He had some thoughts on why Trump would say this and former first lady Melania Trump's reaction, and you can watch below.