Tim Burton will direct a live-action Dumbo remake

A still from 'Dumbo'
(Image credit: Facebook.com/Dumbo)

Disney's ongoing quest to remake all the animated movies in its vault — because who wants to go to the trouble of coming up with new ideas? — has hit upon a new and unlikely candidate. A live-action remake of Dumbo is on the way, because sometimes movie titles are also descriptions of the ideas that spawned them.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Ehren Kruger — best known for writing the last three Transformers movies — has already written the live-action Dumbo screenplay. Tim Burton will direct. No word on casting, but come on, like Johnny Depp isn't going to be in this thing.

Look, Disney, we get it. Alice in Wonderland made a billion dollars despite being completely terrible. Maleficent cast the one actress in the world capable of playing a razor-cheekboned sorceress. And the new Cinderella is supposed to be pretty good!

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But come on, Disney, quit while you're ahead. No one needs to see two actual dogs slobber over an actual plate of spaghetti, or watch Bambi's actual mom get actual shot with an actual rifle. And no one needs to watch an actual adorable baby elephant get abused for an actual hour and a half.

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Scott Meslow

Scott Meslow is the entertainment editor for TheWeek.com. He has written about film and television at publications including The Atlantic, POLITICO Magazine, and Vulture.