Watch Microsoft's insanely bizarre, anime-inspired Internet Explorer ad

Meet Inorie Aizawa, Microsoft's new mascot. According to her Facebook page — yes, a real thing — Miss Aizawa is the "anime personification of Internet Explorer." Her brief autobiography:

When I was younger, I used to be a clumsy, slow, and awkward girl. However, just like the story of ugly duckling, people told me that I have really matured and changed over the years. I feel confident in my abilities now, and I'm eager to show you what I can do. [Facebook]

The robots represent... malware? I guess that makes her magical medallion an anti-virus shield.

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Also, if the mechanized bad guys are shooting lasers at her, why doesn't she just stay in her cyberpunk Sailor Moon armor all the time? Why doesn't she just use her multi-touchscreen finisher blast from the very beginning and save herself from all that exhausting hand-to-hand combat?

Also, there is a cat at the end, lest there be any lingering confusion about who the ad's intended demographic is.

Nice Lumia! (via Facebook)

One thing is clear: IE was in dire need of an image makeover, and this, um, certainly counts. Will it convince geeky internet users to make the switch from Chrome?

I, for one, am de-activating all my Google accounts and burning all my Apple stuff immediately.

Chris Gayomali is the science and technology editor for TheWeek.com. Previously, he was a tech reporter at TIME. His work has also appeared in Men's Journal, Esquire, and The Atlantic, among other places. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.