Good week, Bad Week

Good week for:

Government intervention, after Venezuela’s leftist government seized control of a toilet paper factory in an effort to end the nation’s ongoing TP shortage. Toilet paper, the government said, is an “essential commodity.’’

The power of feminine persuasion, after President Obama was caught on a live microphone at the United Nations General Assembly saying that he quit smoking cigarettes six years ago “because I’m scared of my wife.”

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The failure to launch, after new guidelines adopted by British psychologists define age 25 as the official end of adolescence. “The idea that suddenly at 18 you’re an adult just doesn’t quite ring true,” says child psychologist Laverne Antrobus.

Bad week for:

The Houston Astros, after the Nielsen Co. gave a 0.0 rating to the team’s ninth straight loss, indicating that no one in a 20-county area watched the game. The Astros are the worst team in baseball.

Cheating, after an Italian long-distance runner was allegedly caught trying to pass a drug test by using a fake penis filled with someone else’s urine. Devis Licciardi, 27, is suspected of using a $140 prosthesis called the Whizzinator.

Not following instructions, after 66-year-old Gentil Ramirez of Colombia gobbled so much Viagra in an effort to impress his wife that he remained tumescent for several days and had to have surgery to relieve the swelling. Doctors said Ramirez is “recovering well.” No word on his wife.