Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

Tying up loose ends, after Pope Francis phoned the owner of a Buenos Aires newspaper kiosk to cancel his daily paper. “Seriously, it’s Jorge Bergoglio,” the pope said. “I’m calling you from Rome.”

Handouts, after an aspiring British pinup model who claimed her flat chest was causing her “emotional distress’’ received free, 36DD breast implants from the National Health Service. “The sky’s the limit now that I’ve got my new boobs,” said Josie Cunningham, 22.

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The ninth life, after a missing cat was found alive in the walls of an Indiana home, one week after a private jet crashed into the house and just moments before it was demolished with a wrecking ball. “If that cat didn’t spend eight of its lives,” said a neighbor, “I don’t know what other cat has.”

Bad week for:

Calamari, after a Chinese fishmonger found a 3-pound live bomb inside a squid he was cutting up. Police took the squid away and blew it up in a controlled explosion.

Bucket lists, after Boston police found a scribbled checklist on suspected burglar Evan Dorsey that included such goals as “find crystal meth,” “sell drugs,” “rob a dealer,” and “do one altruistic thing for a stranger.”

Democracy, after Councilman Steve Adams of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, called 911 to demand that police arrest a city attorney who had called him a “moron.” Adams also took his complaint to Mayor Sandi Bloem, who, he said, “raised her fist and said she had half a mind to punch my nose off my face.”