Good week for:
The souls of New York Jets fans, after their team acquired evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow. “Praise the Lord; he’s a person we all should imitate,’’ said state Sen. Ruben Diaz, a minister. “Welcome to Sodom,’’ said New York.
Tiger Woods, after he won his first PGA tournament since his marriage and his golf game collapsed amid a sex scandal 30 months ago. “It was just pure joy,” said Woods. “This is why I play.”
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Close encounters, after a mysterious, cylindrical object the size of a car was found in a Siberian forest. The Russian space agency says the object—partly made of titanium—is not a fallen satellite or booster, and the Russian media are calling it a piece of a “UFO.”
Bad week for:
Kazakh national pride, after Kazakhstan’s shooting team was serenaded at a medal ceremony in Kuwait by the fake national anthem from the comedy film Borat, which boasts that the nation has the region’s “cleanest prostitutes.” Kuwait said the fake anthem was downloaded by mistake.
Downsizing, after Keller, Texas, City Manager Dan O’Leary determined that the best way to contend with a budget shortfall was to fire himself from his $176,000-a-year job.
Getting your hopes up, after Danish lottery company Danske Spil mistakenly told 302 winners via email that they’d won prizes ranging from $177 million to $50 billion. A follow-up email clarified that the actual prizes were $35 to $70. “I got very excited,” one disappointed winner said of the first email.
