What Next? Contest: Disorder - Apr. 3, 2009

Click here for results of last week's What Next? Contest: Gift

Results: Oh, was that bulging garbage bag in my recliner with the Post-It note with my name on it for ME to take out? In light of the discovery of “Hair Blindness,” a supposedly real condition that causes men to notice a woman’s face but not her new haircut, we asked you for the next disorder that conveniently gets men off the hook for their behavior. Thus, in addition to a lot of sad cases of Selective Hearing Loss (usually of higher pitched voices), we heard from many of you about tragically untreatable Anniversamensia, a.k.a. Anniverpsychosis, Anniversile Dysfunction, SDL (Significant Date Lapse), Special Occasionitis and…

FIRST PRIZE: ADD – Anniversary Deficit Disorder.

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John Meppelink, Wyoming, MICH [and many others with similar ideas!]

SECOND PRIZE: Playoff-Onset Deafness.

Rett Lemoult, Laguna Nigel, CA

THIRD PRIZE: Temporary Post-Urination Paralysis (tragic disorder that prevents men from putting the seat back down).

Kellie Monroe Aquino, Mt. Horeb, WI

Honorable Mentions:

Undergarment Retention: Ability of husband to feel comfortable wearing 3-day-old, unwashed underwear to formal family functions.

David Pepper, Malibu, CA

Body Blindness: “I was SURE it was you I slept with!”

Marcia Riley, Simpsonville, SC

Posterior Magnetism: Compulsion to turn toward the posterior of any female walking past.

Blair Tuttle, Fairview, PA

Stairopia: The inability to recognize items that have been placed on the stairs needing to go up.

Heather H. Main, South Burlington, VT

Standing Defeatism: The fear that leaving the couch during a sporting event will cause one’s team to lose.

Allison Lassoe, Sheffield, MA

Male Pattern Blindness: Affliction that prevents a man from seeing his wife if there is a plasma TV in the room.

Elisa Perry, Milton, MA [and many similar]

Opportunistic Narcolepsy: The act of falling asleep when the wife/girlfriend wants to get into a heavy conversation at night.

Michael Compisi, Rochester, NY

Affection Deficit Disorder: Renders males unable to cuddle after sex for more than two minutes before…hey, Sports Center is on!

John Bunyan, Cincinnati, OH

Ocular Lactitis: A medical condition that causes men’s eyes to automatically focus on a woman’s breasts.

Marcia Kirshner, Boca Raton, FL

Sometimes called: Cleavage Hypersensitivity

Robert Harris, Gainesville, VA